I'm praying with every breath that this Judas of a body doesn't betray me,
and I get to hold you and tell you how very much I love you.
All of this pain has stripped my joy
and replaced it with fear.
As long as you stay strong
I promise to try do the same, little darling.
I haven't had
A chance to sleep
And when I wake
I wake with your dreams
I guess my pillow
Holds some kind of key
To your peace
Your peace
Me
I wouldn't trade your love for all the candy
In this great big world
Me
I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me
I haven't showered
And I tried to eat
But all your tears
Oh they needed me
I need some time, some time to think
But when I hear you
And what you need is...
Me
I wouldn't trade your love for all the candy
In this great big world
Me
I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me
I wash your face
To make room for
All the kisses
Of tomorrow
And every day
That I get to
Be here with you
Is sweet
Me
I wouldn't trade your love for all the candy
In this great big world
Me
I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me
Sometimes, something happens in your life that forces you to refocus. For me, that event was actually just a few sentences from my grandmother this past fall. Once or twice she mentioned how much she would love for us to live closer to her, and it started really bothering me that she was alone so often. The thought got under my skin and caused me to convince my husband that we should move closer. That one decision made to help someone else has caused a cascade of other decision and changes in our lives that are positive all around.
My grandmother found out a few months ago that she had mylodisplastic syndrome. She described it to me as having low iron, so at the time I didn't worry too much. Then she began loosing teeth, and I began paying more attention. I researched her syndrome and found out it is much more complex, and scary, than that. Her stem cells, you know those magic cells that are in the news all the time? are not doing their job correctly and turning into red or white blood cells, and it is also affecting her bone marrow. In some cases, this disruption in the production of blood cells can lead to leukemia. The disease is identified by an abnormality in the mitochondrial DNA. That is a strand of DNA that is only passed down through the mother. Which means my grandmother, both of her children, myself, and all of my children will also carry this strand of DNA.
Of course this does not mean that any of us will ever develop mylodisplastic syndrome. But it does mean we all carry the possibility. My first concern was my grandmother, who is already sick. The first thing I did was offer for my husband, daughter, and I to move in with her. She lives in a really nice big house, with four bedrooms and has been alone there for a few years now. Because the syndrome lowers her energy level she has not been eating as well, and didn't seem very motivated to do much else. But when my daughter and I would visit a few times a week, she was a different person entirely. Full of energy and smiling. I think having the little one around will do a lot to lift her spirits, and any good hippy knows the key to healing your body is a healthy mental state. I'm also excited to start cooking for her and making sure she eats well. While we get the house ready, which has proven to be a lot of work, I have been bringing her home cooked dinners and smoothies to start getting some proper nutrition into her.
When I decided I was going to try to help my grandmother as much as possible, the first person who came to mind was Kris Carr. For anyone who hasn't heard of her, she is a rockin' wellness worrier who made some major life and diet changes after being told she had stage 4 of a very rare and untreatable cancer, nearly a decade ago. She is still kickin' and in fact THRIVING. Her journey can be viewed in her documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer. A link to the trailer will be at the end of this post. Even if you stop reading now scroll down and watch it! So, I bought her book and went to work. We are now eating very little animal products, I am a smoothie junkie and eagerly awaiting the funds for a juicer, and I work out and dance with my daughter every single day. When we move in with my grandmother, I will do my best to immerse her in as much of this happy craziness as I can. She may not dance with us, but Beanie baby will do more than enough dancing for all of us, and laughter does a body good! And extra bonus points for this new location, there will be a Trader Joe's right up the street. Our new pharmacy! I've started bringing home new fruits and vegetables every week and learning to cook with them, and I am so excited for all of the options our new town will offer.
My grandmother has been great so far and proudly tells me every time she makes a new healthy choice in her life, finishes a smoothie, or eats every heap of veggies I give her. When I went to visit her two days ago, she took out some Christmas decorations she had found on extreme clearance and was really excited to show them too me. I haven't seen her decorate, or do anything at her house for Christmas in years. When I said "Wow, you're excited for next Christmas already!" She responded "Well, you guys will be here." It brought tears to my eyes and reaffirmed that we were doing the right thing.
After making the decision to move, we quickly realized there were even more reasons for us to be excited that we hadn't considered at first. SPACE is a huge one. Beanie baby can have a play room now, and we have more than just a 3 x 5 chunk of pavement to call our own outside. I can begin growing my own vegetables now, and canning them for the winter. What could be better for my grandmother than home-grown veggies?! We will finally have room for a compost bin, so I can stop feeling guilty every time I throw certain things away. With two porches and a patio, I can finally dry my cloth diapers in peace! (No more angry neighbor getting her granny panties in bunch) And best of all, I can begin learning some of my grandmother's recipes! She has always been one of the top two cooks I've ever known, and I cannot wait to learn from her.
